Illusion x
by xSlythrineWenchx
Summary: Draco! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" I screamed as I checked for a pulse. "You... You.. you killed him" I stuttered. "So.." He sneered at me, "It's not like you loved him, did you?" I stared at him petrified, unsure of what he was going to do next.. R n R
1. A day from Personal Hell

_Not so Far away Future for Ginny Weasley…_

_It's getting late._

_I don't have a sharp sense of time any more but I know it must be after eleven and maybe – maybe getting on for midnight. I'm reluctant to look at my watch, though – because that will only remind me of how little time I have left._

_In any case, it's getting late._

_It's hard to believe that it's been nearly twelve hours already. In a while, of course, it will be fifteen hours and then twenty and then a whole day. What happened is slowly receding, along all those miles of highway, hurtling backwards through time and space at what feels like an unnaturally rapid pace. But it is also beginning to break up under the immense pressure, beginning to crack and fragment into separate shards of memory – while simultaneously remaining, of course, in some kind of suspended, inescapable present tense, set hard, unbreakable…more real and alive than anything I can see around myself here… _

_The thought of what happened sets my heart pounding audibly, as if it's panicking in there and will shortly be forcing its way, thrashing and flailing out of my chest. But at least my head hasn't started pounding. That will come; I know, sooner or later- the intense pin-prick behind the eyeballs spreading out in to an excruciating, skull-wide agony. At least it hasn't started. Not yet but it will._

_Clearly, though time is running out._

_I stared at nothing in particular; there was nothing to stare at. I cannot just sit here and watch. It was useless to think…I had to go back, I have to, I need to go back. Dazed and enmeshed in the web of my thoughts and memory, I stood up, grabbed the car keys, took hold of the basket and sluggishly walked towards the door. My hand reached out for the rusty doorknob when suddenly an electric shock ran through my body ceasing all my thoughts and actions. It came running back to me, more powerful than I imagined…_

_If I go back – I will die…_

____________________________ Chapter 0.1: A Day from Personal Hell

Out of all the days of my short-lived life, Mr. Henry Fridle – my Muggle neighbor chose to die today –

Henry had been killed by a garden gnome – yeah out of all the fake magical creatures a gnome. He had fallen off the roof of his two-story house onto that cheerful looking figure. The gnome was made out of concrete. Henry wasn't. A broken neck, a cracked skull – Mr. Henry perished on impact.

The simple, strange and unusual death by gnome had to occur today – Of all the days and months in the calendar –Today – when my wand snapped into two, of course accidentally, when I had a meeting with a potential client aiming for a divorce. When my three angry best friends were dropping for lunch, which I will be soon adjourning – They were going to strangle me – for sure. Today – when I had to pick up my over-due dry cleaning; go to a grocery store and I was getting LATE! Thanks to the deceased Henry Fridle and his choice to die on sixth of June, I was surely going to suffer its consequences. I already was.

I glared at my wand engine, 'Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Shite wand' I yelled mentally that was all I could do these days – yell mentally. Annoyed, I it in a trash can, cursed out loudly, as I kicked the freaking garbage bin and only managed to hurt my foot. This made me swear even louder. Dead Mr. Henry's relatives stared at me exasperated; I stared back livid and had a strong gutsy feeling to scream at them to take their God forsaken fake sad faces somewhere else! But I kept my mouth shut. I did not need any more reason to ruin my already ruined day. Instead, I focused on taking long, deep, mouthful of air, into my lungs and let it circulate so it can reach my brain and for once make it think straight.

Everything around me was tranquil, birds sitting on the branches calmly, the sky was clear even though it rained last night, Mrs. Todd (another muggle neighbor) was chatting away she beamed up at me and I obliged myself into a forced smile, the wind was soft and cool – everything was normal. Tranquility and peace surrounded me then why the hell was I fuming hotter than an oven.

'Whatever' I told myself. Too much of tranquility and serenity numbs my senses anyway. The sun was blazing down at me and I was glaring at almost everything, I was getting sweating and my heels were killing me. By now, you must have guessed that I lived in the muggle London neighborhood with my parents and my stupid dick for a brother Ron!

I picked up my purse and the files from the floor! Great! Work! WoooHOO! Fuck! My mind mused sarcastically. I had to admit that the way Mr. Henry died was one of the most – weirdly amusing and sidesplitting. I mean, for the love of God - a gnome. I laughed aloud as I walked down the side way. Shaking my head slightly, trying to get rid of the thought - I was being mean. That only made me want to laugh even more.

I had to get to work before The Flick Attorney fired me!! I needed to get a cab down to the freaking telephone both and then floo myself to Diagon Alley. Wondering why I need to use the ministry floo? I'll tell you! The stupid fucking Minister of Magic Harry fucking Potter banned the use of floo service in a Muggle surrounded area. I snorted, so much for bloody security.

I was almost halfway through when I heard a snap and my left foot lost its balance making me stumble. I was going to fall flat on my face when my bloody brain, miraculously worked and I gained my sense of equilibrium back.

"Shit!" I cursed out. "Fuck" As I looked down, my freaking left heel snapped. I screamed out in frustration as loud as I could. Oh – My –God! What the fuck was going on today with me? Shit! Was there some sort of bad omen going around after the gnome killed or what?

I stared at the broken heel – this piece of crap cost me around eighty pounds. I stooped and picked up the damn shoe and threw it across the street. Piece of shite! It landed with a thud outside someone's house. I was scowling staring at the broken heel lying across the street when some one tapped me from behind. I spun around

"What" I yelled at the person's face.

"Here is your ticket, madam." The freaking patrol officer, all in blue and black like every single one of them handed me a ticket. My Muggle Studies kicked in I made up a rational yet such a fake face and replied.

"Oh officer, for what?" I said in a fake sweet voice, I smiled spontaneously as I do with my brooding boss! Shit! I remembered that I was running late!

"For trashing up the street madam, this ticket is for fifty only. I am being lenient with you this time. Please make sure you deposit the money before the given date." He walked across the street and picked up my broken heel. He stared at it and crossed back towards my side.

"Here is your – shoe and have a nice day" I watched him walk away my mouth open. I was suffering from some sort of internal shock. I stared at the bluish paper card. I didn't speak a word; I didn't blink or breathe loudly. Slowly, I made my way back to my house. I was fired for sure by now. This made me even angrier than before. Angrier than the day my best friend Ella forgot my birthday. Fuming than the day, I didn't get my first job. Even angrier when my parents 'accidentally' forgot me at a muggle airport!

On my way back to my house, I assessed – gnomes were not lucky at all- for me. And certainly not for Henry. I turned my doorknob but it won't budge. My paranoid mother must have locked the door. I pressed the damn doorbell as hard as I could and kept on pressing until I heard her rushing footsteps.

"You are back early, dear" Her pleasant voice invaded my personal mental territory. My mother was short and round, had a plump face and wherever she smiled; her eyes disappeared in her cheeks. She had flaming red hair like mine and she always wore her wedding on a chain around her neck. She never liked rings - not even her wedding ring. They suffocated her. I looked at the woman who was the reason for my existence. She taught me how to paint, to see all the colors of the wind. The shades of water and the hue of trees. She taught me what each color meant, the meaning of each stroke and the reason behind it. She taught me that a painting is not something that cannot be made it's something that is created from the depth of the soul. The power, intellect and force behind each and every stroke gives life to it, gives meaning to it. It was important to remember that emotions must be true to everything and everyone… though whenever I looked at her paintings- I failed to understand her brain and emotions. There was something in her paintings that I've never seen in any other human being – not even in my self. Every time I looked at her paintings – I only managed to loose myself in them – get mesmerized. Sometimes I wished I could look inside her mind for once and see how it works, find answers for my questions but I guess few things are better if left unsaid.

"I never got there mom," I said back irritated. She could clearly see my irritation.

"Why what's wrong" She spoke with a hint of panic.

That was the last thing I wanted to do now, get her all panicky. "Nothing my heel broke down in the middle of the way" I looked in her eyes. "And my wand" I added and smiled slightly.

"Oh honey, you can take your dad's" She replied content.

"Nah! It's okay." I answered back as I started to climb the stairs. I so cannot use some one else's wand. They just don't work for me!

I opened my sister in law, Luna's bedroom door. She was hanging upside down in thin air. What the fuck!..

"Hey Gin!!" She greeted me cheerfully. Too cheerfully - Now that was so not normal.

"I am borrowing a pair of heels." I informed her as I rummaged through her closet finally settling my heart on black heels with the smallest buckle.

"When did you get these?" I asked her as I twirled in front of the mirror to make sure the heels went with my dress perfectly. They did, as the dress and heels were both black – yeah I know so blonde of me!

"Never did, remember it was a gift from Ron." She replied conservatively as she did a weird flip in the air. I nodded, "Well, have a nice day." As soon I walked out I saw Ron, coming up stairs, his cell phone like always glued to his ear. He winked at me as he spoke to whom ever he was speaking.

"Ginny!!!" I heard my mother's voice booming half way through the house, "Your boss is on Port one what you want me to say?"

Excellent! Can't my mother make something up for once? And wondering what's Port one? Thanks to the walking dictionary Hermione Granger, we've got something similar to Muggle telephone. Just that you can see the person and the person can see you more clearly.

"I am picking up from my room!" I equally yelled back.

I dashed to my room, and picked up the phone, "Hello!" I breathed out. I could hear the television playing an eighty's song, Wizard. "Mom, put the port down from your side."

"Oh sorry dear, do you like him? You want to marry this guy?"

"Mother!" My voice came horrified. Instantly, the line went dead from her side.

"Get your arse down here Evans, or you are fired!" Mr. Robson's voice came like an earthquake to my ear, his face was hard as a rock and fuming angry.

"Yes sir! I am on my way!" I replied as polite as I could keeping my composure calm...

The line went dead, his face disappeared into the thin air and I crashed in to my bed took a cushion and screamed into it, an ear-splitting scream. I was still, my restless heat beat blocking out any possible sound, enveloping me to somewhere that only existed for me. I loved that place, nothing was real in there except for my own existence, which was lighter than a cloud and floated, taking me anywhere I wanted to go. Back to secret old memories or to the days when I was more superior than I was now, the time when I could control myself and emotions were not as frail as they were now. I could go back and forth in future, see things that I want, feel the presence of my deceased ones and listen to their melodic voices… That nothingness was my ecstasy and like any other drug it was fatal to me, coming back from there left me numb and lost for days. If it weren't of my best friends, Ava, Ella and Summer my survival would have been complex and difficult. I took a deep breathe, got up and looked at the mirror. Useless…

I stormed my way down the stairs. My mother approached me but I pulled my hand up indicating to stop as I was on my edge. I poured myself a cup of lemonade.

"So I heard you are getting married, Ginny? Ron chirped up.

I nearly choked on the lemonade. "Who said that?"

"Mom..." He replied from the floor, confused.

As if, "Do tell me where and when?" I said back icily and gulped down the lemonade. "And with whom"

"Bye… I guess." I heard my brother.

I pulled the door open with a little more force, put my shades on and closed it behind me with a bang. I stood at the doorstep, dead Mr. Henry was gone, and he was now officially rotting in the ground. Mrs. Todd was mowing her lawn. I firmly hated mornings now, more than ever.

I cleared my head, and walked towards the sidewalk, thinking of the divorce case waiting for me, ignoring the fact that according to my mother I was getting old and was in a desperate need for an affair or something. There were so many things that I wish I could just ignore. Ignoring is difficult so screw the bliss. I walked smoothly down the sidewalk. It took me another twelve minutes to reach the main street, if I hurried it would have been nine, but that was going to make me all sweaty. If I slopped my way, seventeen minutes – my boss would have murdered, there was still a possibility that he will! It took another 3 minutes for the bus to arrive.

I hoped on the Double Decker, and paid up front for the Twelfth Avenue. This day could not get anymore worse than it already is; my brain consoled me, so relax. I actually believed that!

Finally! The bus stopped. Its pressure break shook me back to reality.

I jumped down slightly as I got off the stupid Muggle shite bus. The bloody telephone booth was a street crossing away from me. I slowed down my speed. It was too sunny for my liking and was about half ten in the morning. I was walking along Twelfth Avenue. My bad mood seemed to be clouding up my head, entertaining dark thoughts about –now a wide range of subjects. My brain was constantly thinking it always was. At times, I felt as if a wireless is shoven in my head and it won't turn off! Some conscience!

Chief among my dark thoughts was my boss and different ideas came in my head about how he is going to fire me. Probably in front of my co-workers… Nah! Perhaps, he won't, tough luck on that one. What was I thinking? Being sacked bothered me all the time, this subject thrummed relentlessly beneath everything I did, every meal I ate, when with my friends, every shower I took, every time I went bowling. Why was I worried about it now? I didn't even like, leave alone love my job.

I walked through the street quickly, hoping to get to office as fast as possible. The sun was shinning just a little too bright for my own likeness, making hard for my eyes to focus. I stopped at a corner as I waited for the red light to change green, impatiently. I tapped my foot and clenched my teeth as cars passed by fast, excessively fast for the limit. The sound of them breaking through the wind and running over manholes was all I could hear for a few moments before IT happened.

As I put my foot forward and was just about to cross the road… A loud screech and a loud honking!

My already disorientated vision traveled from the road to the sky as my head hit the ground with a thud. Black spots started to appear in front of my eyes. For a few seconds, it felt like going into a coma. I blinked, once – twice and finally my vision came back. I heard a car door rip open and close with a bang. I sat up and looked around with a shocked face and my shock turned to astonishment as I saw him, the man that would haunt for a long time.

I couldn't see a thing as colorful circles took over my vision but I had a hunch that he was staring down at me. Though I could feel that he was angry, his eyebrows pulled down in the middle as his platinum shiny blonde hair glistened in the sun giving him an aura that was slowly taking over my other senses as well. His skin was alabaster and smooth, with a face that was angry – that was the only emotion visible. It was hard for me to dismiss. His body was lean and tall, muscular but not very evident, he wore all black and it made me shiver. The contrast between the color of his clothing and his skin was stunning.

The honking became irritated and frantic but he seemed to roll his eyes, he continued walking the way he was, which was towards me. I squinted as the sun suddenly shone into my eyes and my heart stopped, I realized his eyes were the murky grey color of a livid storm… how did I know? They were on me.


	2. Watch me Choke

I immediately wanted to run, to scream for some reason, all this man gave off was danger, the way he walked, and the way he breathed, the way he stood. Everything was devilish about him. I had to get away – now before I get myself tangled into something ugly and – devastating.

I didn't run though. Or scream.

"You!" The sudden voice made me turn away and loose my focus. I turned around and saw a muggle police officer walking towards me.

Me? Why me?

"Freeze"

Instead of ceasing my body action, I got on to my feet – Dizzy at first but if it wasn't of gravity, I was sure going to float away. I mean for the freaking love of God! I 'guess' a car just failed to crush me and the freak clown in blue says 'Freeze' – What the fuck is that all about. Shouldn't the blue clown be arresting and charging the idiotic imbecile instead of me and getting me some free money or something. "You again?" The Officer exclaimed annoyed. "You go around looking for trouble?"

I couldn't hear him at all. There was a buzzing sound in my ears, I felt disconnected from my brain. It was better to be dis-connected because what happened next set my brain on rapid fire.

The officer took hold of my arm and hand cuffed me.

"Move!" He slowly pushed me.

"What for?" I screeched, my senses came rushing back to me.

"I bet you can't read," The officer replied sleekly, "But you cannot corss the road until the sign says so!"

I stared at the officer's face, confused and lost. What the hell was he saying? Maybe, I was numb – strange. I am supposed to break under immense pressure, not become all dumb and stupid. I stared at all the people, peeping out of their cars, others just standing and staring. If they really want to stare, why don't they go to a museum or a zoo or something?

"You! Hold it!" I heard the officer yell. I closed my eyes in frustration and tension. I could hear the officer walking towards me, he took the other half of the cuffs and clicked it close on some one else's wrist.

I snapped at the officer without even looking at whom I was tied up with. "You hand-cuffed a living person on my wrist" I lifted my hand cuffed wrist and a heavy arm, waved it in front of officer's face.

"This living person owns a duty of care to you. According to law, the breach of his duty makes you equally liable as well. Now get in the car, maam." The officer annoyed, snapped back.

What? What the hell was this clown talking about?? What duty?

"How on earth am I supposed to get in? I got a man –" I looked at the person cuffed at me to re-assure if it really was a man and looked back at the officer. Fuck, I lost my voice, my feet turned cold and my palms sweaty. My heart stopped beating for a second and then re-started faster than ever. I couldn't remember what was I suppose to say next. I couldn't breathe; this was so not happening to me. I wished for a car to roll over me, or a plan to crash on me now, the earth to swallow me or the gnome to kill me now, as soon as possible. This was so not happening…

My brain made a sudden rational theory; it's your imagination. Look again idiot. And as I did, murky angry orbs collided with dark brown – pop goes my brain. I lost my senses and a tidal wave of long forgotten memories came back, conquering me, absolutely knocking me off my feet. The capsule frozen in time burst open, there were warning signs all over my face and I was struck with sudden mental shock. Those eyes staring right into mine, daring me to turn away. Yet I couldn't. Eyes that had me transfixed; hypnotized, mesmerized.

I was too numb to make my mind work though it was working, playing memories of him and me in my mind constantly. To my utter astonishment I felt furious beyond my freaking control, sick to the pit of my stomach – my brain was preparing me for a vomit and I could feel something coming up. I realized it was my heart, trying to thrash its way out. This was my personal hell, where I was being tortured by those forsaken memories. I wanted to run away from them, I felt trapped and I had acknowledged by now that there was no way out.

"Are you okay?" Officer's voice came from somewhere far.

"Yeah…" I couldn't make my voice come out, struggling to make my vocal cords work, "Yeah! Am fine." I was miles away from okay and fine. In short, I was falling apart in front of my past.

"Then please move!" I could hear the urgency in the officer's voice. I swallowed, trying to make the lump in my throat or my heart go down. I wasn't sure if I could walk so I took small steps timidly. I didn't bother to look back again and see if he was behind me or not, so I walked into the street, with a police officer in front of me. I hated myself at that moment, why had I reacted so strongly. It was idiotic! I was getting paranoid now. No I guess I was scared – was I? But I surely didn't want to talk to him or display any signs of communication. My brain was rambling away in its own frenzy. At times, it felt as if I had two different entities in me – Thanks to my very very active conscious. What the fuck will I do if he talked or tried to? Did he even remember me? I hope he didn't. Why was I even thinking about this? I should be focusing on getting away from here as quickly as possible. And breathing. I shouldn't be getting perplexed and falling apart all over the place.

I got in the police cruiser first and as I did – I heard him speak, "What about my car?"

"Get in sir; you will get your car back once you have paid the fine." The officer replied.

As he got in, I got to the further end of the car, sticking close to the window. I wanted to get away – really get away. I commanded my brain to think that I was sitting in Summer's car and there was no one glued to my wrist. My brain simply refused. I couldn't blame my brain for it. I WAS FREAKING OUT! Whenever my eyes fell on the handcuffs, his hand was resting, peaceful on the seat and that was enough to make me loose reality. God! I felt like a shite like a stupid sixteen year –old girl suffering from a new found crush! Fuck! Now, I was simply angry. Being angry was better than being all confused and for some odd and completely illogical reason – scared.

The officers grunted and talked, after every few minutes they looked back and every time they did, I gave a weird fake smile – the kinda smile I usually gave, when I am stuck in a situation and there is no walking out of it. For few seconds, I seriously thought of opening the door and jumping out. Desperate measures call for a desperate need. I was the one desperate to get away from here! Without creating a scene! Okay, not creating a scene was going to be difficult. I mentally started to go through my contact list, people other than Ava, Ella and Summer, especially Ella - not her. There was no else could be willing enough to come and bail me out. Bail me out? Fuck! For what? I am the one who nearly came under lunatics' car. Fine! Perhaps because of the stupid ticket but it was not over- due yet! Then why was I going through all this shit! I should be given compensation for bearing this awkward reality. What? Where did 'awkward reality' came from?

I sighed and took a deep breathe in. I need to get away from here as fast as I could. I cannot bear to sit next to this – living fragment of past! I've faced enough torture in past because of him now no more. I mentally decided to call Summer, I can think of giving Ella a full account later. Wait! Summer doesn't even know who this guy is nor dose she know the reason to why am I getting all hyped up! Case solved! I smiled self-content.

It wasn't like I didn't trust Ella and Ava. We were best friends including Summer from past five years though it felt more than five years. We studied together. Gradually moving on with our lives but I guess, friendship was much more important to us than anything else on this planet. Perhaps, that was the only why we all survived the vicissitudes, the highs and lows, the distance and little worthless and shallow fights which most of the time turned ugly. The reason not to tell Ella was – she knew everything about my past. Actually, she knew more about me than I did about myself. Crazy as this may sound, the reason for my sudden upheaval, sudden cataclysm was – That the person handcuffed to me was non other than Draco Malfoy, the infamous Draco Malfoy from my jagged past. We were once – yuck – together and his mysterious disappearance left me quite off my feet. According to the great guru of relationship – Ella the Bella [Don't ask! Twilight Freak], I was not over him. When I so AM AND WAS.

And if Ella the Bella came to know of this she was so gonna make the rest of my life filled with- I don't know – tease the hell out of me.

The stupid car came to a sudden halt – THANK GOD – sooner I get out of this car, sooner I can call Summer!

The police officers got out the car and told us to come out. I wished I could just step on his perfect - still perfect face and get out first or punch him and break his perfect nose and runaway. FUCK! Why was I even thinking about all this shit! Therefore, I waited impatiently as he got out and then I followed. Like whatever, I got in first and besides isn't it supposed to be like women first kinda shit. I was frowning. Fucking gnomes! I mentally yelled! Fucking sixth of June, fucking mornings, fucking Alexander and his fucking car! Fuck!

I am genuinely not a violent person – okay maybe I am but only in situation like these where any normal human being will officially break into tiny bits and pieces. I was crumbling in to visible pieces, visible enough for him to notice, visible enough for me to acknowledge. I felt angry beyond my little control and not to mention, I was thirsty.

I climbed up the entrance step and entered the police station. I so didn't belong in here. All of a sudden, I remembered Ava's words "A good friend will bail ya out but dude a best friend will be sitting right next to ya saying damn it was some shit." I burst out laughing – shit!

The officer stared at me if I needed some sort of psychological help. I zipped my lips as fast as I could but I couldn't keep the laughter in control as I started cough and shake. Damn, he is going to think I am absolutely bonkers. Who cares as of I am going to ever meet him again!

The male warden approached him and started asking details about him while I simply stood dazed. I already knew everything I so didn't want to listen to it -again. I didn't give a damn of anything and everything that was happening around me. The warden came to me,

"Name?" He asked.

"Ginny, Ginny Iris Weasley." I said out. Felt like if I was being interviewed or something.

"Age?"

"Twenty-one" I sighed out – getting old.

"Occupation?"

I felt like screaming UNOCCUPIED aloud but instead I forced the address out of my mouth, in one go.

"I work for Robson's Attorney, 351 Diagon Alley. I am a lawyer." His head snapped towards me staring something - God knows what. Okay – now I had a reason to get paranoid! Why did he snap at me like that? Shit Fine! I was born paranoid; it felt more like a disability than a terminal illness.

"Anyone you wish to call?" The Warden asked – actually, he was being quite sweet. Ewwww! Hold up! So not falling for a warden but he's hot.

"Yeah Summer Emerson, please." I replied with a flash of smile.

"As soon as the call connects, We'll inform you. You may sit down on the waiting benches, Have a good day maam." He dashed a same smile back at me.

"Oh and Officer, could you please remove these," I lifted my arm and 'His' Arm and pointed at the handcuff.

"Sure, I'll send the officer handling your charge," He smiled and walked away.

I frowned, see what I'm saying, Bloody Wardens! Worse than that, piece of past clinging to my forsaken arm! I stood still. What else I could possibly do? Sit? Next to him? Right. I stood affirmed, making it clear that I was so not going to sit down so I stood away from him at an arm's length – actually, as much as my chained arm could allow. My shoulder blade was aching as I was stretching it as far as I could to stand away from him. God! People thought I am immune to situation like these, even I thought that I was but shite. I rolled my eyes and shifted my weight to the other foot, some shite immunity. How much long was it going to take for Summer to finally pick her damn cell phone? What a waste. She must be dead sleep right now and that good for nothing assistant must be making out in her storage closet. I bet anything on that.

I stared at the wall clock, cool I am officially fired! Yeah fucking me! I literally felt like screaming my lungs out. My back was filled with pain now, my head was aching and it was making me all worn out and dizzy. I mean for the freaking Love of God – could anyone just please unhand me from this personal torture. I was sure getting sleepy as well now. Where the fuck was that officer? Shit, police people were so irresponsible! Fine, I know all I was doing right now was complain and complain and complain but fuck was there anything else to do. I can't sit down; I can't even look at my right so all I could do was look left or straight.

I huffed aloud. I was so hating this situation.

"Miss. Weasley," A voice approached me. I turned around in hurry nearly bumping into him –again – as if I needed that! "We have a call connected for you in booth two."

"Oh thank GOD!" I thanked my lucky numbers, stars and everything in between.

I rushed to the second booth dragging him with me. Gosh! Stubborn arse and his rigid body was way too hard for me to pull! It's a simple thing, since we are chained together moron, you move, I move. I move, you move. I bet he failed to comprehend this little logic - Loser.

"Hello," I breathed out. All that came was grunt and incoherent words. Shit Summer was asleep. "Get your arse up Summer."

"Oh Hey Gin," Her voice came thick with sleeping and lazy. "Shit! Am I late for our lunch today?" I raised my eyebrow at her I wasn't the only one planning on ditching

"Summer you gotta come downtown and bail me out," I said in a low embarrassed voice. There was nothing from her side but silence. For a minute, I thought that the line was dead.

"What?" Her voice came back shocked.

"Just do it okay," I said annoyed at her scandalous voice.

"Oh my God! Don't worry I'll be just down there okay? Let me call Ella and Ava." She said in one go.

"Wow Summer, not Ella and Ava." I said out strangled beyond my belief.

"Hey Ella!Gin needs our help…"

"Hello Summer, stop!" I literally yelled but she wasn't listening. "Summer!" I kept on yelling but she completely ignored and soon the line from her side went dead. I stared at the receiver and then frowned. I slammed it against the booth phone. She is such a blonde!

I was so going to be in shit now… Look at the bright side, my conscious chirped happily, they are coming to get you. "Whatever," I said out loud. Frowning, I stomped back to where I was standing before. God! How I wished this all to be a dream because it was getting excruciating for me to bear. I swear it was like being in a hell. What kind of hell was this? I thought hell was for Sandy candy not me! Hello! What fuck have I done to end up here? My forehead lines creased into a permanent frown now. I counted all the unfortunate events that happened today, 'Cursed sixth of June.' Henry is dead. Fuck gnomes. Hate mornings. A freaking ticket. I have lost my job. Summer is such a blonde at times. My feet hurt and I am beyond thirsty, sleepy and hungry.

What a perfect day! I should be given an Oscar for surviving such a day without a single visible mental break down.

There were two things that very extremely bothering me: one] what exactly people do when they are waiting? Two] what am I going to do – I was lost for words! Something that never happened before – never at all. Times like these mentally and physically challenged my 'I am independent' side. Appalling situations like these hit my self-independence a little too hard for me to handle. Realization took hold of me – I wasn't all that when it came to independence. Hell, I wasn't even responsible. Maybe I've managed to delude myself into thinking that I am responsible and able enough to take care of everything around me.

This made me angry – Ego slowly slipped in telling my conscious that I was independent, I was responsible enough. As I witnessed the argument between my ego and conscious, I failed to understand why I was dwelling inside. It didn't even make sense. I felt stupid and idiotic as today's event slowly enrolled in my mind. I could have showed sympathy towards Henry's death. I could have been less goaded at my own self or perhaps told Floop the truth that I was never going to take him to work.

It felt so simple in my head right now, simpler than I ever thought. However, I would have never felt sympathy for Henry – He was nothing to me. I was unable to feel any emotion for those who meant nothing to me – This may sound cruel but this is the truth. Of course, I was able to associate emotions like anger and hate quickly to other unkown people – even if I have meet them for a minute. It was enough for me to analyze their mind. I can never be laid back when it came to me not pushing myself over the edge. I had to, have to push myself. If I don't I might just snap. And that would be very painful for everyone even me. I will fall back to where I came from; drown into that pool of tar ceasing my existence. Existence - something remarkably beautiful and treacherous. They say, as soon as there is existence there is danger. Danger, which we do not realize until its close and we can feel it eloping around us, forming a cocoon, breaking our nerves, our heartbeat skipping its normal rhythm. You cannot blame yourself with all of it; danger has a habit of sneaking upon us, its slink way of creeping at the back of our mind, knowing exactly when to startle us and pull us downwards. Its nerve wrecking, a horrid return to reality telling us – there is something terribly wrong.

My eyes were transfixed on one of the police station walls but slowly that wall disappeared into nothingness. I felt darkness taking over my senses, a numbness which I wanted to run from. It was taking me down, into a pit. I wanted to get away but it was of no use at all. I felt myself falling – no, falling is a strong word, floating into a pit. Slowly my feet touched the ground - I was standing in a room, a small room – too tiny for my taste and disturbingly bright. The walls were a tainted color of white with paint crumbling off and yellow spots indicating of how old the coat was. The cold and the stench of anesthesia hit square in my face. I was in a hospital. How? The brightness slowly died away leaving a foggy picture of a pale person – almost dead - in a bed and a girl standing talking to someone I was unable to see. I looked at the girl. My first impression was she seemed to be out of a super model magazine. Her hair were jet black, skin extremely fair and eyes were lightest shade of brown – almost ocher. She was thin but not skinny. Her clothes were probably designer because they were not something you get right around the corner of your street. She was standing at the edge of the bed and was speaking fluently- I saw her lips moving up and down, her tongue working to make the syllables but I couldn't hear her voice.

I looked at her trying to remember who she was – I stared at her for the longest time ever. Little by little, as if some one was increasing the volume, her voice came. Sweet but it had menace to it. The kind of menace that sacred the hell out of other people. Though she spoke with intellect as if she knew what exactly was happening.

"She is in a race; on foot. Constantly running, never being given the light of the day to see where she puts her next step. Therefore, she stumbles yet she must keep on going. If she falls, she must get up again, she has no time to stay and rest for a while before moving on again. Behind her rides her past as a master, whips cracking on her heels like viper hidden in the grass, snapping at her heels. If she falls down than she must get up but even then, her past whips her until her inside bleeds and she scarce walks but still she must run the endless track ahead her. If she slows down then the pressure, the tension, darkness, people, emotions, memories start to whip her. If she stops then they altogether will kill her or make her kill herself. To kill her own self, she will have to put end to everything and it will just be too much

Instead, she keeps on running, only for this run there is no end and no stopping point. Nothing she can do to end this torment, it just keeps on going and she keeps on falling and getting up and then there will be a time in her life when she just stops and then everything falls down, everything breaks and then she has no will to carry on, no will to keep on going, yet she must! Still it is all running. One might think how she keeps on going. She keeps on going because she must! The dance must not end! The song, the constant beat, the never-ending rhythm that must not be broken. She listens to the rhythm, the rhythm that keeps on going, if it breaks and falls then everything else will fall apart. That is the end and she is scared of the end….The rhythm is her end and though mostly it is vivacious, furious, vibrating with ferocity, angry and strangely strong. This rhythm is not steady but still it keep son going on. She listens to it and keeps up with it. She can never slow down – never. If she did she might end up losing her own self and that will be her end."

I stared at that girl –shocked. Who was she? A better question – Where was I? Where did the police station go? What the fuck was going on?

"GET OUT OF HERE!" I heard a voice – my own voice came from somewhere, echoing.

The room- the girl, the whole scenario crushed into million pieces, like a jigsaw puzzle breaks into nothingness – right in front of my eyes. I could see nothing but darkness. Intense pain invaded my brain making it excruciating for me. The pain opened itself up, one wave at a time, almost shattering my skull and smashing my brain to smithereens – into the finest form of matter. I gasped for air involuntarily. This never happened before.

My vision came running back to me, light came into sight, the wall re-emerged. What just happened? I turned around in utter bewilderment and panic. Puzzled - There was no hospital – it was warm, burning summer. There was no cold or stench –nothing - The pale blue wall never disappeared. The water dispenser, the chairs were glued up against the wall just like they were. Same occupants occupied the chair. What happened? I was confusing myself more as my eyes fell on the wall clock. The last time I saw the clock it was half eleven. Why on earth did the clock display five minutes past twelve. Sure time flies – but not like this. I couldn't remember what I did in the past thirty – five minutes.

Oh God –No!

A painful knot formed in my stomach, I was loosing it. My heart thrashed in my ribcage. I subconsciously feared, that my flailing heart might splinter its way out of my ribcage. Worse – it might disintegrate. A sheen of sweat formed on my skin, my breathing became ragged, and my heartbeat started to thump in my ears. Bright spots start to emerge in front of my eyes – blood drained from my face and surely from my brain as well. I was afraid that I might collapse – everything was dizzy, disorientated- most of all it scared the fuck out of me.

Was I going insane? – Oh shit! – NO! Even in that debacle, I imagined myself sitting in a loony bin with other retards and cases of sever mental incapacitation. My own thought knocked the air out of my lungs and I huffed out – I couldn't breathe – please not now – I wheezed for air, no – oxygen. Everything twirled in front of my eyes, twisted and turned, wobbled and bobbled. I was aware of the fact that I was loosing my sense of balance as I became tipsy on my feet. I blinked- the picture became even hazier and blur. At that moment, another thought raided me – Was I in a roller coaster? Was I in hell? Scarier – Was I dead? Just then, something or somebody took hold of my elbow firmly –too strong.

In that mental fiasco and internal mayhem, I turned to see who it was. That's when I saw his face – no wait, scratch that – his eyes. Those misty grey orbs- deep and filled with confusion gazed in to my delirious, horror struck eyes. In that moment of mere delirium and hallucination, everything around me shattered into nothingness as I blinked and reopened my eyes into his murky ones. I was loosing my ground, loosing my thoughts – my surrounding – my vigilance. His forehead creased into a visible frown. In less then a second, anger sparkled in them but just for a trice as concerned seeped in, shimmering. In that instant, I wanted to yell at him –no am not okay, something happened to me beyond my comprehension level.

The hell I was scared – I just experienced something out of my body, something so strong that I couldn't understand it – failed to accept but in that moment it didn't really matter not even an ounce of it. His eyes stared into mine, taking me to places and memories that I would never think of. A fast forward film started to play in my head. There was no way to pause it, no stop button. It didn't feel real; it seemed to be a dream or perhaps a dream of a dream. Was this really happening or was I confusing myself? Everything was still that I as if I'm stuck in a slow motion picture.

"What happened to me?" I could feel my lips move, words escaped but I was far from sure – if I actually said them or not. I couldn't hear my own voice. My hand slowly – at snail's pace - crept up to my throat, my fingers gripped my neck. From a far away perspective, it might appear as if he was killing me or taking my soul out. But no – I couldn't breathe.

"Officer!" He yelled.

There was a bustle of footsteps and someone took hold of me as I crumbled to the floor – I never looked away from those grey eyes…


	3. Exhibit B

Chapter 0.2: Exhibit B

**Please leave a review!! And Thank you so much for leaving a review **_Srivera!_

Life sucks! You suck! I suck! Everything sucks! And just when you thought you are about to die– You start living it. Ironic.

There was only one thing I was certain about –I wasn't dead, well not yet and quite not insane! Gosh! Everybody is so GOD damn pessimistic. I'm just being optimistic – something that I rarely do! So brace yourself if I am doing it! Weird! Even weirder, why am I writing this – I mean all this! When I could just open my mouth and say it. Who cares!

SO- In that solace of silence, I could hear my heart beating perceptibly in my chest. Its lub-dub sound breaking the pool of silence that wrapped me up like a cocoon. Maddening silence, nerve-wrecking silence –though at the same time - as morbid as this may sound – Beautiful and welcoming.

I was well aware of the fact that this silence won't last forever. Soon this stillness will be broken and reality will come galloping at me – knocking me off my feet. Oddly, I was looking forward to this breach of personal escape. I mean come on! You want to stay in a dome of silence forever. Well I don't! I hate sil – wait – unnecessary silence. I did not want to stay in this absurd mirage! Even though I had no conscious –fine little conscious- I was so damn eager to open my eyes and snap out of it! Please for the love of – Everything human and Grey! I was so looking forward to what just happened to me. I mean – I really wanted to know reason to my sudden fit of madness. You know the hallucination –slash- Me being an absolute nutcase thing –that one.

It was just a matter of time when someone would – actually, they should – nudge me with a stick or a baton – just in case, you never know – I can be a bit – Beastie! Okay! *laughs* Fine I know that a bit too –melancholic and freaky of me to write that line. Umm, hello I like being morbid. It's interesting. A little too much. But what the heck dude, a little too much is never enough.

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock Anytime now!

Okay! I'm slightly irritated.

"Maam!" A voice came in FINALLY. "Maam can you hear me?" The far away voice was music to my ears. I sighed inside – mentally. Any moment now and I'll be opening my eyes and going to look baffled and shocked – devastatingly dim-witted. Not to mention dis-orientated but I'm looking forward to it. At least I'm up.

Before opening my eyes, I opened my mouth just to check if my voice was back. My throat made a croaky sound and then died – clearly, it wasn't. It throat was sore and itched like hell. It appeared someone has ripped my vocal cords out of my throat while I was out. Therefore, I opened up my eyes next. In hast, I opened them a little too quickly and was surely blinded by the light. Great! Can I be a little more stupid and idiotic than I already am? I mean damn dude anyone who is sensible enough will open his or her pretty eyes balls, slowly – gradually. Not like a craze-derived maniac. I failed to comprehend the whole freaking concept of being normal. Besides abnormality is a relative concept. My moms [both of them] think I'm normal. My siblings think I'm normal. Even Ella, Ava and Summers think I'm normal. Than probably I am. But saying that you are normal is so – abnormal!

WOW! Whatever!

I squeezed my eyes shut for few seconds and then opened them up very slow. Annoyingly slow for me. This time allowing my pupils to adjust to light. A police officer stared down at my face in a strange way that nearly gave me a fright.

In that moment of fright, I just merely nodded. GOD! I had no VOICE. It just – zapped out.

"Are you okay?" The officer asked again – more troubled than ever. Maybe something was wrong. No! I guess my eyes were twinkling with shimmer of utter shock and mere fascination.

"Yes." Yuck! My voice was raspy and wow this was an automatic response not a deliberate one. I mean I tried before 'no voice' now I do – Hello Voice! Even my body refused to obey me. I bet this doesn't happen to normal people. Yeah Normal!

The good for nothing officer helped me sit. I looked around and as usual, a crowd surrounded me. You know when there is a new animal in the house people gather around to examine it. Even better idea – a scientific experiment gone wrong. Their 'goggly' eyes stared at me; some with shock others with sympathy and few were like just staring. Do you know how it feels to be the new animal at zoo? And fuckity fuck! I'm not made up of sugar crystals! Hello! Do you see a tag saying 'fragile'? Not! So you can look away. Mental ranting helps – a lot.

I stared back at the crowd with same utter bewilderment and shock as I was before. To be honest, I wasn't really looking at them. My eyes were entirely searching for someone else. Finally, when they did- they simply glued themselves to him giving a blank vacant stare.

"Do you need hospital? The officer asked again –

"No Sir," I opened my mouth politely, you never know what come out of there. "I've got asthma," I added with fake trepidation. "But I feel perfectly fine now."

The officer gave be a half doubting Thomas look and half-annoyed face. "Well, do sit down and wait." He grunted something in a low voice. I stood up on my own refusing any more help with my physical languor and walked to the chairs. Just then, I realized that the hand chains were gone. I turned around and saw his face – it was blank and firm as a stone. A cold look was plastered on his face. I ignored, there was no point in talking. There never was.

As I sat down, I saw three creatures walk in a blonde, alien and a gremlin. I grinned insolently. Hail to me, finally I was going to be glorified for my one on one achievement of the best social humiliation. I watched Ella and Summer talk to the receptionist.

Ava walked up to me first like always with a goofy grin on her face.

"Dude, you could have waited for me!" She laughed.

I grinned back. "Shut up!" I told her. "This place is shit. Not what we reallyyyy thought."

Over Ava's shoulder, I saw Ella and Summer empty their purses. I groaned. Ava followed my gaze. "Yeah you are in pretty deep debt."

"As if I don't know!" I frowned. Great!

"By the way, I lost my job!" I informed Ava.

"Oh My God! You serious" She grinned as we hugged each other.

"I'm so proud of you!" I heard her squeal. I simply shook my head. Ava looked at me confused and raised her eye brow, "What? Are you sad about it? I thought you detested your job."

"I don't know." I replied feeling absolutely torn between the money and the bloody boring work. "Money is good."

She rolled her eyes. "So where's the freak that crashed into you?" My heart skipped a beat.

I stared at her face. "Ewwww not crashed 'into me'" I made a disgusted face.

Ava sighed and we burst out laughing. Inside joke. "Dude, you gotta go shopping with me?"

I frowned at her, "Incase you haven't noticed, I'm in a lock up. Take Summers." I suggested.

"Busy."

"Take Ella."

"She's blind!" I couldn't help laughing on that one. God no! Ella wasn't blind. Well, blind when it came to shopping.

"Ava, she's your twin. This means you are half blind too." I told Ava as I nearly choked.

She gave me a shut up look my cue to zip my mouth that I never did no matter how many looks the three of them gave me. I mean it's so hard to keep my mouth shut. Imagine what it's going to do my brain if I stay quiet –kill my imagination and sudden bursts of randomness.

"Fineeee – " Before I could even assure Ava that I was going to go with her I saw Summers marching –oh oh – towards us. Wait not us – Draco. Okay Bad! She only marches like this when she was offended or she likes a guy. However, the look on her face said offended.

"Yo Summers!" She ignored me completely and walked past. I looked up at the ceiling mentally screaming WHY at GOD! I closed my eyes. In just a matter of seconds, I was going to listen to Summers, screeching voice that was going to shatter all the glass windows. I secretly hoped it did. This way I can have quick escape.

"HOW DARE YOU! Why on EARth can't YOU LEAVE HER ALONE? " There she goes. I opened my eyes and saw Summers standing nose to nose with Draco, screaming her head off at him. Sweet! Ava didn't even bother to stop the damn show nor did I. We knew when Summer wants to yell at someone – Let her yell. Ella came and stood next to me. Oh Shit! The three of us saw Summers screams profanities at Draco and yet for some reason he didn't say a word back just stared at her yelling as if he was dumb or incapacitated.

"Why don't you jump in?" I heard Ella jab a comment at me smirking. I ignored it. What else I could do? I wasn't scared… I was just confused…

It took good three minutes for Summers to calm down. "Come on Summers" I said all worn out. "I've had a long day-please." God I hate to plea. "He is of no use…" I could feel his stare on me but I totally ignored it.

"Come on." Ella finally spoke up! As she, tugged Summers who refused to pipe down.

"Make sure your 'Friend' makes no further self-killing plans. Of course, a suicidal teenager can always turn into a suicidal adult." His voice came as a hard steel and brittle.

Anger flooded me. How the fuck he said that to me? He bloody doesn't know me. Fucking shit! I turned around livid and fuming. "How the fuck you –" My voice rose on its own accord. I took a step towards him when some tugged on my sleeve.

"We just got you out Ginny, we don't want you back in." Ava's cold voice stopped me in my indomitable track. She kept on tugging me towards the door but I never looked away. GOD! I wanted to rip his head off! Punch him in his face and break his nose or black his eye. I hate him so much. That it made me want to kill myself. I was not used to such strong negative emotions. I cannot stand them. I cannot generate hate for a long time towards someone. Although hating people – everyday people was a common thing but not a particular person for a long time. It drained me out. Suffocated me. Killed me. Nevertheless, I guess I loved it.

I walked to the reception, signed few papers and took my belongings. Ava, Ella and Summers stood beside me. I mean shit! I hate today! Officially hate today! He knows we live in the London. Shit there are more chances of him and me running into each other than the chance of a clear sunny morning? Crap. Do you know what it's going to do to me? This little incident is going to stay on my mind for an eternity until I can no longer take it. This defeat is going to make me tell each and everything to Ella. God! It was so hard to keep anything secret from them, especially her. Damn!

As I walked out of the station rationalized not to look at him but I couldn't help feel someone's eyes on me. I frowned. Patience was never one of my best virtues. I was so not going to look towards him; I was so mentally and physically prepared not to. I ordered my each and every nerve not to look in that way – and then I did. He wasn't looking at me, hell he didn't even notice me. Instead, a pair of black eyes stared at me with confusion and an emotion that was quite unknown to me. I visibly shuddered as I followed Summers out of the police station and into Ava's car.


	4. Anesthetic Perfection

Chapter 0.3: Anesthetic Perfection.

As I walked down the empty street, my heels clicking against the cerulean stoned road, I hugged the coat closer to my body as wind gushed towards me sending a shiver down my spine and I shuddered visibly. My whole body was aching; my feet throbbed in my heels and my head was spinning making me wobble after every three minutes. Freaking life and its evils! "Fucking shit!" I cussed under my breath. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach. A Sudden twist in my guts send my thoughts racing to another dimension. I came to a sudden halt. Shit I was fucking going to puke. I couldn't understand the point of my struggle. It seemed useless and aimless. Even though I got a job at Wilkinson's even though I know I'll be all right – but survival seemed a far-fetched approach. A bizarre approach.

Was survival the only thing that human worked day in and day out for? Was I doing the same or was I falling into some other sort of stratum that even I couldn't understand. Is this even enough? Work – Jobs – Rush – Was that it? Just this? I couldn't even understand the verity why was I even thinking about this. Most people would cheer around when the get a new job why was I dwelling inside, sulking inside. There must be another reason for my mood swing I sighed out only to notice that I have stopped walking.

The moon was amazingly bright tonight, with a nice blue hue to it… illuminating the sky and blocking out the stars, stealing the spotlight on the stage above my head. I frowned; if you study moon too hard for too long, it will fall luminous upon you. And with moon in your eyes and 'moon' anchoring your feet, you can never see the stars. Even the moon had a purpose –To dazzle people and tides and that kinda shit that probably Ava knows! I glared at the moon fiercely. Why on earth something so far away was so important to almost everyone. This angered me to no extent that I was the one aimless. I worked for a stupid attorney and that's it. It made me want to rip myself apart in to shreds and pieces. I was self-pitying and loathing. Nothing new so I refused to compose myself anymore. As I let go of my ever so high shields, it was like… trying to stomp a puppy and it was incredibly hard. I couldn't do it anymore.

My head throbbed with my unexpected emotional blasts. It always did- more than often. I sighed out started to walk again and kept my pace even. Since the little incident at the police station – my abrupt delusion - my thoughts and emotional swings were eating me like an insect. What could be more horrifying; the fact that no one was going to believe me as I already was such an eccentric or the fact that I was entirely losing my mind. I stomach squirmed – stress. I was further more assured that I certainly was at the brink of loosing my mind as hallucination as strong as mine disables a person to distinguish between reality and a delusion. The horror of this concept seemed to be the reason behind my – sudden turmoil and insecurity.

Should I even tell the 'three creatures' or simply wait until I'm finished from the inside out. I looked around myself, the night was still young and I could hear the soft zooming of cars on the main road. I closed my puzzled and worried eyes and stood still as my ears became active. This time soft breeze blew over the street, playing with the overly rich nature that encircled as if it was some sort of toy. I could almost hear the wind giggling in delight as it caressed the soft, moist green grass or the leaves of the beautiful, over grown old oak trees that stood silently and firm.

The breeze continued its journey of everlasting play and I could almost hear as it swooshed over the surface of the lake, causing it to create little waves, stirring the nightly peace of the dark water underneath. If anyone had been around to pay attention to this little spectacle, the person would perhaps have sworn to detect some sort of bristling excitement when the wind swept over the grassy hills that then led to a large building, looming in the dark, so near yet so far away. So many open windows to sweep through! Little slits to howl through!

'Stop it!' My brain yelled at me. 'Stop imagining!' I snapped out my mind's eye. Have I lost my control as well now? I stood there doing nothing but breathing, inhaling and exhaling. That's it. I suppose I was even afraid to blink – terrified because my mind was ready to play tricks on. The thought of loosing control made me jittery, overly sensitive and eager to reach home. I started walking again, my pace brisk that was until I heard footsteps behind me. I ceased all my body actions and thoughts at once and immediately thought of turning around to see who it is but then I didn't. What if it was just my – mind again? Besides I didn't own the street, who was I to say who could walk behind me and who couldn't. I ignored it and kept walking.

The charred wind was biting at my cheeks making them itchy, and I knew they must have been extremely red; probably the color fuchsia, if that was even possible.

Then I heard them again. This time I was sure it was no mind trick or a piece of hallucination. They were so real and so close to me. I stopped abruptly and the sound of the quiet 'tap, tap, tap' died as well… Air was caught in my lungs for a slightest of a second and my logic seemed to be over powered by the fear of my chimera. A sudden gush of confrontation took over me as I turned around on my own accord and grimaced as I saw that there was no one there… I could have sworn there was some one…

My frantic eyes swept the street; everything was too still –almost dead. The scorching wind howled sounding like a wail of a creature long dead. Somewhere something scratched. My eyes were wide open scanning the street conscientiously again and again. My thoughts were drenched in horror and fear. Panic seized my chest, clearly aiming to suffocate me. My hysterical eyes fell on a small stone not far from me. I locked my gaze on it and just stared, my forehead automatically folded in a frown.

"I'm being followed by rocks!" My words dripping with infuriation and unwanted rage. "Never heard of that one before."

Bloody paranoia. Shaking my head at my bloody panic/fear attack, I started walking towards my house. What could possibly be hiding behind the bushes or the garbage can – waiting just to attack me –me? Out of all the people on this little green and blue for a planet earth – me. WOW! I'm excited. My thoughts filled with sarcasm. My footsteps were now lazy and thoughtful – even though I wasn't thinking about anything in particular. I yawned and mentally looked forward to nothing but a downy bed and the coolness of the air conditioner. And just then it came again – the petrifying 'tap, tap' of someone else's footstep, just behind me. A shudder slithered up my spine I stopped dead in my track, utterly shocked and scared stiff.

This time panic controlled my senses and I let it control me - deliberately. If I really was being followed, I shouldn't be thinking sane right now. Hell! I shouldn't be thinking at all! I took off my heels, holding them in my hand, I broke into a crazy irrational run before either one; my chimera or those footsteps took hold of me.

Even though I was running as fast as I could, the thought of being caught was fearful enough to fuck the living light out of me. Out of all the emotions, fear was the one that ruled me – terrified me. It grasped me harder than ever and I knew that I wouldn't be able to shake it off. 'There is no such thing as fear' my brain repeated again and again but I refused to believe it. I couldn't even believe my own internal voice. It could and deep down I knew it would end up betraying me. It was this treacherous voice that created delusions and was eager to make me loose my sanity. Or what was left of it.

A fraction of me laughed at my downright paranoia and foolishness, other was just stunned at my vulnerability. This was so not me. I was not that easy to get scared. Not many things frighten me, I'll tell you. Not terrorists, psychopaths, or haunted houses. Never spiders, snakes, rats, or bats. When I was younger, five and a half to be exact, the 'monster' in my closet was practically my best friend. Then I found out it was a sweater. Yeah. It sucks to be me. Now even the sound of a footstep or a whoosh of wind scared the living fuck out of me.

The street was still burning hot from the afternoon sun so naturally it burned my feet as I sprinted towards my house. The only possible place, which - at that time - seemed secure enough. My heart thudded in my ears and the lack of oxygen was slowing me down. But it didn't bother me. The idea of passing out on the street seemed far too anticipating than this hell of mental torture. Insanity – the evil that the most bloodthirsty and staunch men fear. Then fuck! I am a girl not a guy! I should be traumatized which I clearly was.

The lunacy of this situation mocked me internally. Imagine, someone running from nothing in particular. Nothing at all. The person's unruly curly red hair flying in the air as she ran towards her house. The dark- almost black eyes chaotic and wild with terror making her look like a half-crazed person. Expressions gripped with dread and alarm of something horrific and bloodcurdling. Arms and legs working astonishingly together to make the body run in such precision that it seemed unreal and almost impossible. It appeared as if she was running for a marathon and was only inches away from the finish line. Neck craning back to look over her shoulder if there really was someone following her and then quickly looking in front as the fear of confrontation takes over her.

That's me. Running away form absolutely nothing. ZLICH! The abode that I call home came into a clear view and I thanked God. It was only few steps away now. I forced my legs to run faster than my already fast enough speed. The brown ocher door looked at - stared at me as if welcoming me. The golden shimmering doorknob waiting impatiently for me to turn it. In that psychotic moment, the door held some sort of aura that invited me to it, gripped me, it seemed like my key to security and internal bliss and I yearned for it more then anything on this planet.

Panting, I turned the knob with shaky hands and scampered in, closing the door behind me with a bang. I didn't care if it woke my mom up or anyone else in the house. My frenetic orbs scrutinized the dimly lit hallway and the dark staircase leading up to my room. Room can wait – I need to breath. I sat hunched, breathless waiting for my respiratory system to work again – properly and efficiently like it did. I realized that I was still holding my heels in a tight grip and my files clutched to my chest. I swallowed as I loosened my grip. The sudden need for water was raw and throbbing but I avoided it. Thirst can wait. I clumsily climbed the stairs, focusing on each step. I have a phobia for stairs and almost every next thing in the list of non-living things. I slopped my way up and entered my room.

It was a small room but not dingy, with three dark purple wall. One of the four walls was black and painted in hodgepodge of bold red, blue and yellow primary colors. The black carpet looked like a deep trench. My bed had a black eiderdown and the matching set of sheets. Of course, they were messy. A pair of side tables, held lamps with blood red shades that stood like guards on either side of the bed. Books, pencils, skulls, sweets, water bottle, plates and other weird and uncanny things littered my side tables. My clothes, shoes, paintings stewed together – equally cluttered my floor. The lacy black curtains hung limply, obviously needing a good thwacking. My walls were covered in band posters, only two large frames hung on the wall; one frame containing a family picture and the other frame held a picture of me and the three creatures. A decrepit bulletin board was also pinned to the wall, just near my bedside along with a couple of my paintings hanging here and there. A dark, cherry-wood dresser stood in the left corner of the room while the right corner held a small passageway leading towards the bathroom and the closet.

Over all – A fairly cluttered and morbid room.

I dropped my heels and files to the floor, disregarded as I always did. I took of my coat also letting it fall straight to the black carpet. I was in a trance – but very aware of my actions. I slogged towards my bed and jumped on it.

I was getting angry and by every passing second, angrier. Why the fuck was I, even searching for shit like this. I'm not insane. 'Every insane says the something,' my internal voice echoed in a singsong voice.

"Oh shut up!" I said out loud and clapped a hand on my mouth. I shouldn't be talking aloud.

I got off my bed and walked towards the bathroom or as Ava says, 'Restroom.' Rest room is where you rest – lie down or something maybe just sit. How can you call a bathroom a rest room when all you do is pee, shower and shit and at times talk on cell phone that's it.

I switched on the light and stared at my own reflection. I rolled my eyes, walked towards the shower tap, and turned it around, the water started to flow like rain falling. I walked back towards the mirror and blinked at myself. My black brown eyes were staring at me. I frowned at the dullness and commonality of my eye color. I hate my eye color. My hair - a nest of curls - wild and blown away. They were too frizzy that the hair iron refused to work its wonders. They were not shiny or glossy but rough and gave me an edgy and eager look. My lips were weird the upper one was too big and the lower one to small but at least they had a pout. My face was neither a circle nor an oval, I guess somewhere in between but now that I was staring at it, It looked more like square.

I sighed. I was exhausted.

I touched my face, my eyes still staring into my own orbs. Fatigue was evident on my face and in my eyes. I blinked and stared in them again. For a modicum of second, I though my iris changed. I blinked again. This time I stared carefully and intentionally. Nothing happened. Mind trick!

Then it hit me, the concentrated dose of pain, just a quick brush knocking me off my feet. I quickly caught hold of the sink. This is it.

The same darkness was creeping over my mind again, making me loose my control. A wave of panic consumed me as the mirror immaterialized into nothing but darkness. I was once again, floating into some sort of endless pit. The only difference was this time I was aware of the fact that this was happening. I ordered my brain to control it, to stop it. To relax! Nevertheless, no result came back. I was struggling to keep myself from that ditch, trying to find my way up. All my efforts were futile.

Slowly, very slowly halo of light opened itself up to me. My eyes automatically squeezed shut to shield itself from the nauseating brightness. I hastily opened my eyes. The darkness sickened me. Everything was in a slow motion. I could see a room and a nurse hunched down, spreading someone's belongings out on the floor from a suitcase. The contents of the suitcase were on display for everyone on the floor. As more light seeped in, I realized that I was sitting on a sofa. I was the person. The nurse kept on taking out the rest of the belongings out of the suitcase, needlepoint, raincoat, nail clipper, needlepoint, and tweezers. Everything.

What the hell is going on?

"You don't have to stay here while we do this?" The nurse sitting cross-legged on the floor took out a hairdryer and placed it in a basket that already contained other everyday objects.

"We explained it to you when you checked in that everyone's suitcase has to be inspected, it's nothing personal. Some people find it easier to let us do this and then we bring them the thing they're allowed." The nurse continued.

I felt my lips move but no voice came in, my lips moved. I couldn't listen to what I was saying, why was I even saying anything when I didn't want to, didn't mean to, didn't even send a message to my brain for speaking. Everything was working on its own accord and it petrified me.

"It's for your own protection." The nurse replied. 'We just go through here and take anything that might be dangerous and we set it aside. After the inspection, we take all the things and put them in a basket with your name on it…"

Why the hell is she taking down to me? Who am I? I mean I know who I am but who I am in this – hallucination.

"…that bin then goes into the sharp closet,: the nurse continued, "and anytime you need to use something from your bin you just need to come find one of us and we'll help you out. You might find it easier, though, to let us do this by ourselves."

"Why are you talking my needlepoint," The voice came at a high octave, angry and it was me who was saying it. "I'm making a pillow."

I've never made any pillows for anyone.

"It has a needle?" the nurse answered in an up-speak. "You can work on it only if you're supervised."

Automatically, my face turned to my left and stared at a girl – a girl that I've never seen before. Her hazel eyes staring at me, her face masking the same bewilderment and terror that my face was depicting. Her jaw dropped down, mirroring the horror that was suffocating me. Was she also – a patient of hallucination? Was that even possible? Knots formed in my stomach and a sudden wave of nausea invaded me.

"Okay that's ridiculous," The fury unleashed itself in my – her voice. "Give me back my needlepoint. It's not sharp. It's not dangerous."

"Um, well, we need to run a test on it."

"My arse you're going to run test on it." The voice was high pitched now, almost like shriek. The girl sitting on my left put a hand on my shoulder – and I felt her touch. I flinched or what was left of my sanity flinched. I couldn't stand this anymore! I couldn't take this… I wanted to get away, snap out of it. Put something harder than iron grasped at my feet, rooting me deep into my mirage, my hallucination, illusion, delusion. Whatever you want to call it.

"Get your hands off my shoulder, MaryAnn." I whipped around to face the girl called MaryAnn. "I know what you trying to say, _Lilly shut up. Mind your manners Lilly. Stop it Lilly._"

MaryAnn? Who's MaryAnn? I've never known any MaryAnn. Never in my life. It's an illusion. You are not supposed to know anyone in it. Remember you are loosing your mind.

Lilly? I'm not Lilly. My name is Emily Iris Evans. NOT LILLY! My delusion named me Lilly. Was my name Lilly? No! Stop doubting yourself – my inside screamed and wrenched. I could feel it, my mind trying to cope with what I was experiencing. Although, it was terrifying but in a strange way it charmed me, captivated me – choked me

I saw MaryAnn withdraw her hand quickly and took a step back.

"What MaryAnn? You think I'm going to hurt you?" The voice came astonished and shocked this time. A particular emotion drenched the voice – hurt.

MaryAnn's eyebrows stretched across her forehead in mock fear, she addressed more to the nurse than to me or whoever I was. "I just don't know you anymore,

Lilly. How do I know what you're going to do next?"

"What I'm trying to say, Lilly –" the nurse goes from friendly to firm "- is that we simply run a quick electrical test on it and we'll return it to you by tonight. Tomorrow at the latest."

I felt steadying myself in a doorway.

"We'll get it right back to you."

I couldn't register when the hell did I get up from the sofa and walked up to the doorway. Even in that illusion, there was some sort of memory glitch. I felt my body sliding down the doorframe and collapsing into a heap at the base of the doorway.

"Alright! That's enough, Lilly." MaryAnn stood right next to my – Lilly's crumpled body. "Let's go outside for a minute and talk about this."

"Ma'am." It was the inspection nurse again "Um. She's not allowed to go outside anymore. She doesn't have her privileges anymore. She must stay in all the time."

I could feel Lilly's powerful stunned emotions and the wetness of her eyes – tears.

"What…" Her voice came out strangled as her head snapped towards the nurse. The fog of security that enveloped her self - dissipated.

"You have checked in so you cannot go outside. Your caseworker will be here any minute to explain all this to you," The nurse returned to her inspection.

"MaryAnn –" I could feel that Lilly's breathing was shallow – my breathing was getting shallow. She reached towards MaryAnn and tried to stand up at the same time.

"Yes?"

"Let's go," Simplicity in her voice strangled me. "Let's get out of here. Do you have the car keys?" MaryAnn looked from Lilly to the nurse, unsure of what to do.

Another nurse who – just appeared out of nowhere turned to me – turned to Lilly.

"Alright sweetie." Her voice was craggy but gentle as if she felt pity for Lilly. Her tone betrayed a hint of resignation, as if she dealt with theses kind of situations everyday. "Let's sit down for second." She tried to lead Lilly away from MaryAnn, away from the front door. Lilly pulled her arm away and focused on MaryAnn.

"MaryAnn? The Car Keys?" It was clear on MaryAnn's face that Lilly's stare burned a hole in her soul. I could feel the choking sensation in my neck, as if trying to keep a vomit down. Lilly – the illusion – my delusion, saw MaryAnn, standing still, refusing silently to search for the car keys in her cavernous bag.

"MaryAnn? MaryAnn? Please, MaryAnn, Please take me home." I could listen to the vulnerability and desperation clear in Lilly's voice, in her words. Her eyes started to flow with tears as the nurse lead MaryAnn to the door. "NO! No, MaryAnn! I've changed my mind. I don't want to come here, MaryAnn. I've changed my mind. Are you listening, MaryAnn? MaryAnn?

"Please…MaryAnn, please…" Lilly was begging now. I wave of shock and disgust crashed over me or Lilly I couldn't distinguish, I wasn't able to.

A skull thrashing pain hit me square and just like before the picture shattered into million pieces. It ripped itself apart into trash, into nothingness. The pounding ache opened up - this time ferociously, cruelly crushing my brain into oblivion. The wild scalding flashes of pain exploded repeatedly until it tore me into two, ripping me open. My inside screeched and throbbed as waves of pain crashed into me, faster than before, stronger than before - selflessly killing me.

I felt cold – ice cold. Then the coldness rushed high into my already throbbing head. My heart was frozen underneath my chest. I could feel the lack of oxygen and I knew that I was going to choke. And then it restarted, faster than –faster than the day I saw him – faster than ever, my heart's ragged rhythm was drumming into my skull. The beat was anxious and rough.

The world – the restroom – the bathroom that once vanished into a cold, perpetual darkness slowly danced towards me. The numbness that cushioned me splintered like a mirror into million pieces and my senses unleashed from that shattered mirror galloping towards me at an incredible pace. First came the vision – whiteness raided the darkness – another flash of pain. Then came the hearing aid, confused and broken. Smell- empty and humid. Taste – Bitter as blood. Lastly touch – cold and wet. For milliseconds, I failed to comprehend where I was.

I huffed out aloud just like you do when you come out of water. My eyelids felt heavy. My throat sore and raw, tonsils aching excruciatingly. I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling of the bathroom. The rain like sound of shower filled the small room along with humidity. Something soothingly cool enveloped around my fingers. My first thought was – blood, my fingers twitched and I brought my hand to my face slowly. I looked at it but saw nothing but the translucent water. The bathroom was flooded with water.

I didn't want to move a limb. Something else - seized me now. It was the horrible sense of nothingness – numbness. I could feel it wrapping me delicately but I didn't bother to fight it. I was too exhausted. I refused to blink my eyes anymore, refused to speak or even it up. The water kept on flowing and the humidity kept on rising. My thoughts escaped me, my internal voice was died and there was nothing within me. My mind was a blank slate, my eyes were glazed and my breathing shallow. Shallow enough to pass me for a dead person.

I was still for the longest time in my life. Nothing worked together – body – mind soul. Nothing. I was anesthetized to the core of my soul, sedated to no extent.

Anesthetic Perfection.


End file.
